Relational Student Ministry
Based upon yesterday’s post, I decided to share some of my wisdom so far in the area of Youth Ministry. So without further ado, when you are building a relationally-based ministry, remember:
- Ask them to share a meal with you – Food is a great opportunity for conversation. People are generally less defensive when they are eating, and the setting (especially in a good restaurant) can really help to comfort a teen and allow them to open up. In fact, spring for the meal. Don’t make them pay.
- Let them do most of the talking – The last thing that most teens want to hear right off the bat is lectures and advice – no matter how wise that advice may be. A lot of teens simply are looking for a listening ear to vent issues to or to help them work through things that are going on in their lives.
- Ask them to spend time together in person – Don’t let a MySpace message or a text message be your mode of communication here. True, these are perfectly acceptable modes of communication for most teens, but they lack a personal touch. Look them in the eye and let them see that you really do want to spend time with them. **BONUS – Don’t set up a “date” through their parents. This will lose you points fast.**
- Make it a regular occurrence – Don’t let it be a one-and-done visit. Set up a regular time together to really get to know your student. Make it a point to put it on your calendar and NEVER double-book those dates… unless it is a genuine emergency. And if you must do this, make a point to reschedule at the earliest convenience.
I’ve been trying to get into more of the Relational Student Ministry mindset. I love the eating with students part…mostly because I love to eat, but it is a great way to connect with students. What do think about going to schools to eat? I’ve found that it is somewhat beneficial but kinda awkward for both sides. What do you think?
Thanks for commenting Joe.
as far as eating in schools, have found that it is a good thing if you are shooting for a small crowd to eat with, it gets your face out and teens know that there is someone who cares about them enough to brave the cafeteria food to eat with them. But if you are looking for a one-on-one conversation, school cafeterias are usually not the greatest. Friends walking by, other people sitting very close at the table, etc. I used to visit two different high schools to spend lunchtimes with teens, and I can count on one hand the deep conversations we had over the course of the year. It did help to let students know that I cared about them, but for those more intimate conversations, I shied away from the schools.
So if you are shooting for just a fun meal together (and the akwardness does wear off after a few weeks), go for the school lunch. A deeper conversation, stick to restaurants. Or homes.
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Couldn’t agree more Dr. H.
When I do training on this topic I give the following C’s to consider [and you have them all covered!]
C – commonality – the meal works great here, it creates something you have in common.
C – care – the very fact that you want to chat shows that you care.
C – communication – horses for courses here, and yes – private chats are best in private locations. Many restaurants can be private yet in public / not secret.
C – commitment – a one of lunch doesn’t get the job done in my experience.
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